So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
