Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
