Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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