For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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