i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
