No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need a beard to bite.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
