Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
