you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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