Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
