false alarm. still invincible.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
