I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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