How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
