New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
