My hand turned me down
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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