I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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