You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
