ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
