you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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