I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
