I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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