Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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