remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
