Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
