I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
