All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
