But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
