we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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