you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
