I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
