Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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