What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you inspire me to be a worse person
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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