and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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