hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
