I wanna passion pit in your ass
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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