For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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