Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
