I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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