Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
