i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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