There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
