I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
