Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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