that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what is it with giant penises always finding me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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