At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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