i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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