I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
