Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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