Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
