Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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