Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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