No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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